Hey there Reader,

On Wednesday I mentioned that I would talk about RSD.

So here we go!

RSD stands for rejection sensitive dysphoria.

It’s the very real, very painful reaction you experience in response to rejection — and this is the important bit — real and perceived rejection.

So if you have RSD, it’s not just actual rejection that sets it off.

It’s also anything that could be rejection.

Criticism.

“Feedback”.

A weird tone in a text message.

Someone going quiet.

Your brain doesn’t wait for confirmation — it responds to the possibility.

Also, your brain literally cannot tell the difference between emotional pain and physical pain.

The same regions activate for both.

So when rejection hits and it feels like a punch in the gut — that’s not you being dramatic.

That’s your neurology doing exactly what it’s designed to do.

RSD isn’t part of the formal ADHD diagnostic criteria, and it’s not a clinically diagnosable condition on its own (yet).

But research suggests around 99% of late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults experience it.

Ninety-nine percent. So why aren’t we talking about it more?!

I think part of the answer is that it’s a learnt behaviour, which means it developed quietly.

We spend years absorbing microaggressions, corrections, indirect messages that something about us isn’t quite right.

Hear something enough times and you start to believe it (that's called the illusory truth effect).

Over time, our nervous systems learn to brace.

Avoid.

To preemptively remove ourselves from situations where rejection feels possible.

Quit the job before you get let go.

End the friendship before they pull away.

Self-sabotage, so at least the loss was on your terms.

Sound familiar?

It’s your brain trying to protect you.

It’s doing its absolute best with the data it has.

The problem is that data is often 20 years out of date, and the software is still running like nothing’s changed.

The way through isn’t frustration — though I completely get that that’s the default.

When we’re overwhelmed and activated, we can’t access the executive functions we need to actually slow down, reflect, and regulate.

Approaching those moments with curiosity rather than fury is what creates enough space to do something different.

That’s not about excusing the patterns. Personal responsibility still matters — and I say this as someone who has had to sit with some uncomfortable truths about the ways my own RSD played out before I understood it.

But there’s a difference between accountability and beating yourself up.

One moves you forward. The other keeps you stuck.

If RSD is a learnt behaviour, it can be unlearnt.

Same neuroplasticity principles that embedded those patterns can work in reverse.

It takes time, and it takes support — but you absolutely do not have to just live with it forever.

That’s the snapshot for today.

There’s so much more to it, so that got me thinking — would another masterclass be useful?

If enough of you are interested, I might put something together in the not-too-distant future...

Hit reply and let me know.

And if you’re not in the community yet, there’s a venting channel in there that’s become a really useful space for people processing RSD flare-ups. Come and find us. 🧡

Best and brightest love, Beth x

P.S. If Wednesday’s email hit close to home and you found yourself thinking that’s me, that’s my pattern — this is the missing piece of that puzzle. RSD is often exactly what’s sitting underneath the self-advocacy struggle.