Hey there Reader,

If I ever used to need something, I'd whisper it.

Well not literally...

But I’d quietly say something like “I could really do with some support here…” followed by ”…but honestly, don’t worry if it’s too much, I don’t want to be a pain.”

And then I’d wonder why nothing changed.

When you don't believe your needs are important, it can give other people permission to ignore entirely. There are always more important things to do.

This is very common in the neurodivergent community, and it’s something I lived for a long time.

Chronic people pleasing.

The quiet terror of being seen as selfish.

The learned habit of making yourself smaller because the one time you did ask for something, it didn’t end well. So you stopped asking.

Self-advocacy is one of the most important skills we can build when it comes to boundaries. It’s also one of the most uncomfortable ones, especially if you've been burned before.

Asking for what you need, at work or at home, can really feel like an act of selfishness if you've been made to feel burdensome before.

I really get that.

But I also want to challenge you on it.

My turning point wasn’t some sudden burst of confidence.

It came through therapy, coaching, a lot of discomfort, and slowly, painstakingly, building a sense that my needs were actually worth meeting.

One of the most practical things that helped me was writing something out before speaking. If I couldn’t find the words out loud, I’d journal what I needed first and use that as a script when it came to actually saying it to someone. It gave me something to anchor to when my brain wanted to immediately backtrack.

Over time, I went from feeling like a burden to being someone who can assertively say what she needs, who she needs it from, and what it looks like.

That shift didn’t just make me feel better. It reduced the resentment. All that frustration I felt at people I loved for not somehow magically reading my mind finally started to disappear. Because I stopped expecting mind-reading and started communicating needs instead.

One of the biggest moments I ever had at work was recognising that the work environment simply wasn’t working for me, and it wasn't going to in the future either. That eventually led to the bold (and hopefully not foolish) decision to quit my job and go it alone.

Self-advocacy can be that significant, even when it looks quiet on the outside.

It’s not loudness.

It’s not aggression.

It’s knowing yourself, knowing your worth, knowing your needs and having the tools to communicate them.

I’ll be dropping a little resource roundup on Friday. Some scripts, templates and examples you can use and practice with straight away.

And if that’s the kind of thing you love, there’s a lot more of it waiting for you over in the community server.

One more thing — I’d genuinely love to know if a self-advocacy practice space would be something useful to you. A safe space with others who get it, to actually build and rehearse the skill together. If that sounds like something you’d want, hit reply and tell me. I’m curious.

Right. I’m off to take my own advice.

Best and brightest love,

Beth x